Margaret

fringey @ 2003-07-16T21:41:00

2003-07-17T04:46:29Z

I'm trying on hats so that I can match my bodacious pals but these pieces of head attire just aren't working. I have rotting fruit on my desk. YAY! This is actually Ellie. Margaret is too critical when trying on clothes. She was just running around in a pair of Eeyore ears. Word to your moms. Now she looks too french in a red beret and boa. Poo poo pish posh. "People actually wear these in France, because they're in France." Yes Margaret. "They get knocked out with a loaf of french bread." YES CLARA. Okay time to go wreak havoc with Cranky Shirt and my cowboy pal. Bon voyage!!!!!!!! Mug root beer is nothing next to A&W.

Oooooh - can we say BORED

2003-01-18T07:00:00Z

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Woooooow

2003-01-18T06:01:31Z

Woooooooow.... postage.... trippy.

Yellow Yellow

2002-09-10T06:36:39Z

I spent the last few days painting my room yellow and the last few months doing nothing. My Mom and Dad and I went down to Ocean Shores and had a lovely time. My dad and I made a sand dragon that looked more like a dinosaur and I got a sweatshirt and a hat that both say "Ocean Crest Resort" on them and went horseback riding. I missed my first soccer practice and we lost our first game 4 to 0 to a team full of roosevelters whom I'm glad not to be going to school with any longer.

This evening i went to our third soccer practice, where we sat around and scrimmaged due to our distinct lack of coaches. My aim as far as passing goes is really off this season. After practice my dad and mom and I went ou for italian food. On thursday I have my running start orientation at four and tomarrow I'm going to get up warly to drive my dad to the airport then go to ballard to meet Ellie for lunch.

Thats about it. I'm bored. I like my yellow room and i have 2 new paper lantern lamps that my mom bought me at ikea for it. It should brighten the room up even more. Yay.

fringey @ 2002-08-11T14:27:00

2002-08-11T21:33:57Z

Coming home to an empty house gives me an uncomfortable hollow feeling. No voices to welcome me, no one to see, just barren rooms and the sound of kitty's feet on the wood floors. I used to think that I would like to live alone. I thought i would enjoy the privacy and freedom but I'm not so sure if I would anymore. Two floors an eleven rooms with just me and two cats to occupy them and all the world pounding on the doors, and pushing against the windows. It's only hard at night, but I'm glad my family is coming home today.

fringey @ 2002-08-06T11:21:00

2002-08-06T18:22:49Z

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Bleh, I am SO not histrionic. And I'm not really obsessive-compulsive either, i'm just a bit of a perfectionist. Thats a cool test, take it!

fringey @ 2002-07-25T23:01:00

2002-07-26T06:12:56Z

I spent all day cleaning and updating my room. I got rid of 2 pieces of furniture and replaced them with 1 nice little modular thing that even matches my computer desk - the laminate is a soothing, modern beech wood grain. I even put it together all by myself, it took a long time because it was 2 little cubes with drawers - modular. It's much nicer than the white desk that only collected crap and was covered with 12 years of grime and nailpolish. Now the only ugly thing i have is my also 12-year-old bookshelf which I pushed my bed up against so it looks nicer too. I also got a new blanket to replace my heavy comforter when it's not winter, it's so cool! its navy blue and it has a odiac chart and some suns and moons and stars on it in yellow. It's nice and fuzzy too.

I can't decide whether my room feels nice and clean or just a little empty. Without my big desk or my nightstand, only a little chest-of-drawers that is smaller than either of them, i have all this empty space. If I decide it feels to stark I'll move our Eames chair in, it won't match but it'll take up some space. Besides, an original Eames chair shouldn't be hidden beneath my dad's trainset. Plus it's brown, I like brown. I think i might paint my walls yellow, i really love the teal color my walls are but I only have that one window and not much light comes in through it. It would be nice to have something cheerier. I never put a fresh coat of white on either so those walls are looking dingy. My dad and my sister didn't think it was neccesarry but i think it'll make my room cheerier. It's just too easy to come in here, put on some pedro the lion and drift off into gloominess when i don't even have anything to be sad about.

I wonder if the bon has bright yellow pillowcases...

fringey @ 2002-07-24T03:44:00

2002-07-24T10:45:34Z

I've just told Lizzy exactly what i think of her, finally. What a strange mixture of emotions. It took me a long time, too long and there's no going back now. I doubt she'll so conveniently forget what i said to her this time. I only wish i could have said it in person. It's time for bed now, finally.

fringey @ 2002-07-20T23:14:00

2002-07-21T06:54:50Z

Realizing that I've been short-sighted is a an ambivalent experience. I feel bad - even embarrased for having held whatever opinion for however long, then realizing that I was wrong. Most of the time the subjects of these realizations are ones my peers wouldn't have been thinking about in the first place so there is no reason to feel embarrased because they never held a differing view. At the same time i feel strangely accomplished. I've grown; my eyes have opened to a perspective I'd never considered or a concept I'd never heard.

Ellie and I hung out tonight, and talked about many things that got my mind working, things we'd never really talked about before. It made me think of the meaning of my life. Not life in general, just my life. I had mentioned something about how after i saw Amiele I was dissapointed to see a slightly plump woman cussing and snapping at her companion, and people generally mistreating and ignoring their fellow human beings. And of course we had talked about how teenagers obsess about the most insignificant and petty things that don't matter now really, and definately won't in the future. Who am I to say these things don't matter? They don't matter to me, that's obvious, and they don't matter to other people but if they matter to them then I shouldn't look down on them for being absorbed in it. That pettiness annoys me to no end, but in the scheme of things the only things that matter in life are the things that are important to you.

But now I am conflicted - is that a selfish thing to say? "The only things that matter at all are the things that are important to you." Yes, i think it is, but I'm not sure if selfishness makes it any less true. On one hand, you can only live [I]your[/i] life. You can only see things from your own perspective. You will never experience anything except your life. So only things that matter to you matter at all, because we never live as or think as anyone else but ourselves. Does that make sense? On the other hand, while we do only live through ourselves there is a whole great world around us, and we share it with an innumerable amount of other human beings who all live their lives and have their own worries and hopes, and to think that the only thing that matters is what you think matters is exactly the type of mindset i cannot stand.

I guess that i was more right in my first way of thinking - that shallow, shortsighted stuff DOESN'T matter if you think in terms of the whole world or your whole life, but we don't live our whole lives at once and we can't change the whole world. "The only things that matter at all are the things that are important to you," only works as a philosophy if I assume the best of everybody - that everbody will at least in some way care about the strangers who live around them and the rest of the billions of people in the world. Sadly, that is far from the truth.

fringey @ 2002-07-20T00:00:00

2002-07-20T07:23:38Z

Sometime's I'll tag along with a group of people at night, to follow and do whatever they do. They don't really mind that I'm there, but they'd probably rather have someone that they actually know and talk to occupying that last seat in the car. I go anyway. We never do anything very exciting when I'm around, although it seems like people are always raving about what a great time they had the other night, or all the great stuff they're gonna do tomarrow. I always seem to catch people on an off-day. That's fine with me though. I'd much rather just sit around in someone's back yard or hang out at a park anyway, rather than consume an illegal substance of one kind or another thus dissapointing myself - what a terrible feeling that is. And I have fun on these nights, most of the time; my uncommon adventures into teenage nightlife, an often eye-opening look at the culture that thrives around me.

Tonight I saw myself, an almost mousy-looking girl with tired eyes sitting a few feet away from the strangers she's spending the evening with. Listening to their jokes, and stories, and gossip about other people she doesn't know, and doesn't really want to. Yes, Ellie's there and Lizzy too but Ellie's far away in her mind, as far from me as she is from everyone else - when she wants to be - and Lizzy's too much there, giggly and euphoric in the middle of it all. I thought to myself, tonight, that i should be spending time with people that i know, people that interest me and the are interested in me. People who think the way I do, who understand me and accept me and my peculiarities. But there is no one like that. I'm alone. I'm alone.

Scared

2002-07-17T17:36:11Z

I have my drive test today - yes I'm sure this time. I'm so nervous, I want to pass, I MUST pass. I'm so nervous. I will be there at the DOL in 120 minutes and counting. Oh dear... Wish me luck.

fringey @ 2002-07-11T23:25:00

2002-07-12T06:43:01Z

I've discovered a new liking for old music - Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, and the Andrew Sisters, etc - thanks to my dad and my old WH teacher. I find Bing very relaxing, he has such a smooth voice. The songs they sing are so simple, and straightforward, fitting of their times it seems to me - but I'm probably just being romantic.

These past few days I've been enjoying myself quite a bit. I made a few cute bracelets and have since moved on to painting. I don't have much of a hand for paints yet but I have a nice set and a lot of paper so I plan on practicing some this summer - at least until i get tired of it. My mother took me to Daniel's Art supplies today, i got a set of paints, a new brush a pad of canvas paper AND a big drawing pad on sale for a dollar because it didn't have a back. What a deal. I'm proud of myself for staying away from glowing screens of any sort for a few days - not much TV, or computing for me. I'm going to try and get more sun, and some exercise, and a better sleeping schedule as well. Summer is a good time to be productive.

I missed my drive test, unfortunately. I thought it was on Thursday and it was on Wednesday and I didn't realize until about 12 hours after i was supposed to have taken it. I have to reschedule but no one ever fucking picks up the phone there. I'll try again tomarrow, I just hope there's no big penalty for missing a lesson or if there is that it isn't a long one.

Wake Up!

2002-07-07T22:57:56Z

How often does this run through my head every day, I wonder - especially when I'm around people my own age. So many people are utterly engulfed in their own narrow universe, so involved with their equally short-sighted social group. They mill around aimlessly with a group of friends that are nothing more than aquaintances, really, who know and care very little about eachother despite their apparent closeness. People say these are the best years of our lives but i refuse to believe that during my remaining 70 years, my most enjoyed experiences will consist of hollow friendships and nights spent incoherantly drunk. From more than one person I've heard "I'm young, I'm gonna enjoy myself while i still can." If getting variously intoxicated and lounging around with like-minded pals is the high point of your entire life, then honestly, I pity you. Being unable to see fun in your future must be a horrible feeling, and is a dreadfully dreary outlook on life. I don't mean to say that we all should sit demurely aside and wait for our great times to start - hardly. I just wish to point out that it might be worth it to try and stay alive and in one piece so you can experience the rest of your life and to remind you that what you see is not the whole world. Oh, and remember, not everyone enjoys or would enjoy your idea of a good time, so please don't condescend on us for holding this differnet view.

Do I sound bitter? I am.

Music

2002-07-07T07:07:10Z

I spent a little time plucking away at my Bass today, but not a lot. I feel guilty because i spent 400+ dollars on getting an electric bass and I hardly play it these days. I just don't have much motivation to lately. I wish I could afford to keep up with lessons over the summer so I'd have something to practice and because Todd had just started teaching me how to write basslines during my last lesson. I still have that unfinished bassline tucked away beside my stero speakers with all my Led Zepplin sheet music, I was surprised at how good it sounded. I tried to finish it a week ago or so, but I couldn't work out a good way to get from D to F in two measures. I'll finish it someday.

fringey @ 2002-07-05T16:30:00

2002-07-05T23:30:36Z

take the which one of the trading spaces cast are you? quiz!

Whoo hoo! I got laurie the first time, so i tried again. I'm not sorority material.

I saw MIB 2... it sucked.

2002-07-05T23:19:08Z

Well, here I am, posting. Its been a few weeks (months?) since my last post but, hey - what can you do. Post more, that's what! Oh well, I post when i want to and during the school year I usually don't feel like it. Now that it's summer I have OODLES of free time on my hands so who knows - i most post daily, weekly, or tis may be my last, EVER. Anyway, I cleaned up my friends list - took off 4 people (out of 7, heh.) If you noticed that I took you off don't be offended, it's not because i don't like you, its because, well, you talk too much. It's also because a few of these people don't post anymore or don't remember who I am. Anyway now its reserved for people i want to keep track of. I'm still reading other peoples at least as often as I used to thanks for the wonderful Internet Explorer folder known as Favorites.

I'm back from a 2-day stay with my grandparents in Richland, Washington. Frankly, I was rather bored. I read through most of A Conneticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court on wednesday and started a mystery novel so at least I did something productive. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents to death, there just isn't much to do in Richland - or anything at all unless you have a boat or a jet-ski. On the fourth i think most of the high-school-age populace were driving up and down some of the main drags. At least thats what i assumed judging by the number of bass-booming cars and people who were honking, yelling or throwing those little exploding pop-it thingies out of the passenger-side window at me as i walked along. That's what i did on the fourth, walked up and down a street with a lot of strip malls and watched the few fireworks i could see over the rooftops. All the way from Taco Bell to Denny's. I stopped at the elementary school to swing for a few minutes but it was a trifle chilly.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is she suddenly writing this rather long post, out of now-where, all of a sudden?" Actually you probably aren't, but i would be if i didn't know. It's because i just found out that an online friend of mine who has been in the past my BEST friend has withdrawn from chat (without me knowing it.) I found out through her live journal, with the help of her ex-boyfriend - hence the live-journal entry. I recently realized, thanks to a certain self-help book which i won't name out of embarrasment, that the internet sucks compared to real life, regardless of how boring your real life is. And mine is plenty boring, mind you. But, as suggested by my oh-so-wise mother, I will be really trying to get a job soon. I am scheduled to take my driver's test on thursday (I hope I pass! Wish me luck.) afterwhich i will be trying to get a job in some degree; actively if i pass, less aggresively if i don't. I need some purpose in my life until school starts again (groan) and a job would give me purpose AND money, what a deal huh?

I don't do this enough

2002-04-12T05:00:45Z

I should write more often... I think that it might make me feel better. We'll see.</p>

Boys are giving us all problems, why do they act that way? Can't they just do what they say they'll do, and save us the heartache? So selfish - it hurts us. Boys are screwing us over, and we can't do anything about it. Boys, boys, boys - grow up with the rest of us, hm?

The First Day of Spring

2002-03-21T01:16:03Z

and it's snowing - has been since 1:40 or thereabouts. So strange, and so pretty. It's odd that my lawn has almost 2 inches of snow and my neighbors accross the street don't even have one. Actually, we only have one inch... but still. It's tapering off and the weatherman says it should be stopping but i hope it picks back up during the night! One of my favorite things in the world is waking up to a snow-covered world, everything blanketed in white and sparkly and even though it's midnight it still looks bright outside because the light reflects from the white ground to the white clouds and bathes everything in a soft golden light.

Sad

2002-03-19T06:00:30Z

A friend of mine has a new boyfriend - well, not so new, they've been together for a few months. He's a nice guy and i like him okay but i've been having some issues. Since they've gotten together my friend - whom I'll call Stephanie - has been acting differently. She doesn't spend time with me as often, and when she does she's always with her boyfriend; she doesn't talk as much and what she does talk about is mostly aimed at her boyfriend and about boring, stupid things. We used to talk about all kinds of meaningful stuff, she was my best friend and i could talk to her about anything - but now she has a boyfriend and I feel like he's taking my place. We havn't had an intelligent or even a lasting conversation since she got together with him.</p>

As i said, I do like this guy but at the same time - I don't. He's nice and he treats her well but he only ever talks about two things; Stephanie and Anime. I was into Anime once, and i have long since outgrown it so frankly, when the vast majority of my time with this friend is spent listening to her boyfriend talk about something that i find generally annnoying and juvenile, i'm becoming distressed. What's more is that even though this is ONLY an internet relationship the boyfriend seems to be taking it rather seriously. He talks about meeting her and finding ways to fly to her house or have her fly to his, but they've only known eachother for a few months. It seems almost to me as though he is trying to rub it in that he's closer to her than I am - like it's a competition for her friendship. Perhaps I'm just jealous or something and imagining things but I get that feeling rather strongly and other various bad vibes too. Like recently I've gotten a vague notion that he's kind of controlling and posessive, but i have no evidence of it at all.

I'll sit there in a caht room and watch him ramble about his lame anime knowledge and Steph will just add a "LOL" or something like that every couple minutes - the Steph I know is extroverted, funny, intelligent and interesting, and can always grab the attention of a room. Now... she's boring. She's acting like the type of girl i've always avoided. I don't want my friend taken from me - I need someone to talk to about things in my life but she always is too busy. I don't know what to do.

fringey @ 2002-03-03T22:07:00

2002-03-04T06:03:47Z

Oh look, its our friend "Pasta Alfredo". Usually to be found in
Restaraunts, some actually do choose to bring you home and
do you there, You're cheaper that way! You are very high
class, and fond of your heritage. "Easy Mac" is your bitter rival...

Take the What Kind of Macaroni and Cheese Are You? Quiz

Created by LJ User RobProv222 twon

fringey @ 2002-02-25T21:23:00

2002-02-26T05:20:12Z

Which Chess Piece Are You?

fringey @ 2002-02-24T22:24:00

2002-02-25T06:21:07Z

Yay, Belle's my favorite

fringey @ 2002-02-21T18:57:00

2002-02-22T02:54:50Z

Tall, dark, and RUGGEDLY handsome!

Oooh, he's almost as succulent as Legolas.

hollow

2002-02-18T08:53:47Z

I feel hollow. It's a terrible feeling, like your stomach just disappeared and now theres just this big empty space where it used to be. I feel like i have a whole universe inside me struggling to be free; my insides are no more, instead i'm filled with that horrible endless oblivion that is space. No boundries, no lines, just emptiness and void. I've lost myself.</p>

I'm not quite sure how it happened, it was a normal evening and normal circumstances that turned out anything but. I was looking at CG anime drawings when it started; their expressions are so blank and passive, no emotion or personality or life. It made me nauseous. I decided to draw my own picture of what I wanted this girl to look like, it had to be anime because that was one of the guidelines, but I decided to try. I drew three pictures and each turned out the same; thin, straight black lines on thick paper, expressionless features, shapeless faces and the same awful blandness. I threw my drawing pad aside, looked back at my screen and then i felt it.. my organs and guts just fading away.

Now I'm empty and filled with endless black existence. I don't know how i lost it when i never had it to begin with...

Stereotypes

2002-02-15T05:01:56Z

They sat in the back of the class all semester, spewing snide comments and annoyed remarks in a constant stream. They threw paper at my friend with the mismatched socks and the tapered black jeans and the pink hair, and at the girl who wears a tutu and a charlie brown shirt and gave me a card on my birthday. Once one of us looked back at them, and they said they were aiming for Arian, who sits in the front, but usually when they throw things he's in the back, beside them. They're the classic type, who mock others to boost their otherwise fragile egos; Who subtly bully the people that aren't afraid to be different and shun the conformist life that they hide within. Their mask of cold indifference hides the weakness and insecurities that compose them. Through the few months I shared with them I wondered why? Why are they even here? Why are they doing this? To make themselves feel better about their pathetic, cowardly existence; to impress eachother, or maybe out of jealousy of someone with talent, or the courage be unique?</p>

For five months I marveled at my friends strength. They sat stoic-ly and just took the bullies' prodding. Every time I noticed a wad of paper fly through the air it made me cry inside. I wanted to walk back there and ask "Why are you throwing things at them?" The bulliers would say "We're not..." and i'd reply stonily "Yes you are. Why?"

People often write such happenings off as 'no big deal' - a "kids will be kids" mentality. It's unacceptable to me. It's so much more than a wad of paper...